Stephen Colbert would like someone to TP his house for April Fools' Day

April Fools' Day is looming, but nobody is in the mood for jokes. Tolerance for tomfoolery is at an all-time low, as the coronavirus pandemic has people hoarding toilet paper and staying confined to their homes.

"At this point the only April Fools' joke I want is someone TP-ing my house, preferably in two-ply, quilted,"...