Dear Abby: Mom takes son-in-law's side in daughter's custody battle

DEAR ABBY: I got divorced a year ago. Before it became final, there were many court appearances. My husband told my mother we were divorcing because I was unfaithful, which is true. What he didn't say was I felt neglected, abandoned and unwanted, all things he knew because I had discussed them with him and he ignored me.

Either way, she is MY MOTHER, not his, and she showed up with him to a couple of court dates to vouch for him to have custody of our kids! I was sad, mortified and angry. It happened with no warning. Mother and I had not severed contact. As a matter of fact, she had recently spent a week with me and our kids in our home.

Our relationship had never been great, but now it's over. It has been a year since we last spoke, and I feel no remorse, no sadness, no regrets, only anger that she turned against her own daughter. Regardless of what I did, I am her child. As a mother, I would never betray my children, no matter what they did. I was awarded full physical and legal custody of both of them, by the way. Is there something wrong with me for not feeling sad or missing her and being so angry after an entire year has passed? -- NUMB IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NUMB: Wrong? In your words, your relationship with your mother had never been great. That she appeared in court as a surprise witness for your husband must have been a terrible shock. I assume your mother has not tried to apologize for what she did. If that's true, there is nothing wrong with your justifiable anger unless it's eating at you and negatively affecting your quality of life. If that is what's happening, talking with a licensed psychotherapist will help you straighten out your thinking.

DEAR ABBY: In 2014, my family found out that my father was having an affair. He had been with his wife for 24 years. We all bit our tongues as he moved "Jasmine" in with him and then moved her family into their small, one-bedroom house as well.

Since he got involved with Jasmine, he has started smoking again and lost a lot of weight. We hardly see or talk to him these days. Everything he does she must approve. We know he isn't happy, but he won't admit it to any of us. (We heard it from a couple of his close friends.)

My wedding is coming up in 2021. My fear is that Jasmine will somehow prevent him from going. How can we all approach this subject with him without upsetting him? If he isn't there to walk me down the aisle, it will be a sad day. -- LOST IN COLORADO

DEAR LOST: I don't think that at this point you (all) should approach your father about this. Instead, try befriending Jasmine, which will enable you to keep a closer eye on him and his health. If you can manage that, she may be less likely to prevent your dad from walking you down the aisle. In the meantime, cross your fingers and hope your dad comes to his senses and finds the courage to move the woman and her family out of his home and out of your lives.

Wife is shamed by husband's insistence on wearing tights

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our early 50s and married for nine years. I hate to say this, but the way he dresses embarrasses me to tears, and it's hurting our relationship.

Is it acceptable for a man to wear tights and nothing else? I'm not talking yoga pants; I mean ballerina dancer sheer tights that leave NOTHING to the imagination. He mainly wears them in our garage (where people who drive by can see), but lately I've caught him standing talking to neighbors like that. Am I overreacting by telling him he can't wear things like that outside the house? If it isn't the tights, it's skin-tight biker-type shorts or shorts made from a mesh material that shows it ALL if there's a light source behind him.

We have gone rounds over this almost daily. He promises he will stop, but it's only a matter of hours before he's back in costume. Is it OK to wear things like that now? I don't see women wearing tights that show off as much as his do. I'm at the point I want to gather up all offending clothing and head to the dumpster. If you say let him wear what he wants, I will, and I will keep my eyes and mouth shut. -- MORTIFIED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MORTIFIED: Your husband appears to be an exhibitionist who cannot control his urges. Frankly, I am surprised the neighbors haven't complained after seeing him in that attire. Ordinarily, I would advise you to let your husband wear what he wants, but in a case like this, it might be prudent to check what the ordinances regarding indecent exposure are in your community.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman in my mid-40s and have been with my husband for almost 20 years. I have never wanted children. I'm 100% certain about that and have been since I was a kid myself. In fact, I had my tubes tied when I turned 30.

For me, the no-children rule is nonnegotiable. My husband knew this going into our marriage and was fine with it, but in the past few years he has been expressing an increasingly strong desire for a child.

He has now taken to shaming me, saying things like he's depressed, that he'll never be happy "unless I give him what he wants" or that I'd do it "if I truly loved him." He always apologizes later, saying he loves me and wants things to work out. But, Abby, it's becoming increasingly difficult to shake what he has said in the heat of the moment.

I cannot compromise on this. I know bringing a child into the mix would only make things worse and foster resentment all around -- toward my husband, toward the unwanted child and toward myself -- which wouldn't be fair to anyone. It seems we have reached an impasse. I want this marriage because there are wonderful times, too, but I can't continue being hurt like this. I don't know what to do. -- BROKEN IN MICHIGAN

DEAR BROKEN: You and your husband have indeed reached an impasse. Although he agreed at the outset that your marriage would be one without children, he is now facing his biological imperative and can no longer live with the deal he made.

Because you don't want children and because of your age, if he needs them, he may have to do it with someone else. I am sorry if this seems brutal, but there is no compromise in a situation like yours. Please accept my sympathy.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.